Impurity
by LiliJ
Summary: Bored of girls, at 17 Kenny is looking for something new. And when he discovers Marjorine he realises just what his life has been missing. Butters/Kenny, High School adventures :D
1. Discovery

**Hiya! So this is a Bunny fic. Honestly, I can't get enough of this couple, so this is how I figure their story would play out. I hope you enjoy – the plot's all worked out and trust me, it's gonna be a fun ride! There are also mentions of Wendy/Stan/Kyle – stay tuned for that, cos I plan to write their story after this one. There's a song that goes with each chapter, just in case you want to listen as you read.**

**DISCLAIMER: if I owned South Park, Trey Parker would be in my pants 24/7.**

**~ "Oh No", Marin and the Diamonds ~**

_Kenny_

I've never been what you would call... reserved when it comes to sex. Bored out of my mind in a house full of drunks, at 7 years old I stumbled on my first porn magazine. My dad's, hidden behind the toilet. From the moment I laid my eyes on the centre piece fold-out I was hooked. With nothing else to do but listen to my parents fight, I busied myself with learning as much as I could about this fascinating sport. Soon, I was renowned for my sexual knowledge: I even had 6th graders asking my advice at recess. Let me tell you, the power felt good. To be honest, it was the only thing that got me noticed. I tended to blend into the background when the sex encyclopaedia in my head wasn't wanted.

It wasn't long before I started experimenting. First blow job at 9, I think that's some kinda record. Must be. Plus there was that suffocating-masturbation thing. Gotta say, best time I ever died.

Anyway. So at 17 I'm bored. I've done pretty much every girl in the school. And you know what? I'm underwhelmed. I mean don't get me wrong, they were great. It's not like I don't like these girls: I respect the hell out of them. I even went steady with a couple. Fairly sure Bebe's planning our wedding now, though officially we're not together any more. And sure, to start with, sex was great. Really great. But... there's only so much you can do with a girl before it all gets a bit... old, y'know? It's not like I haven't tried branching out. Hey, I even gave Cartman's mom a run (definitely high on the list for best screws, btw). I guess you could say I'm looking for some new thrills.

So I'm sitting in shop class, as far away from the electric saw as I can get, and this kid keeps grabbing my attention. He's stacking up his waste wood neatly, smiling softly to himself. He's completely oblivious to the classroom full of shouts and screeches of machinery, totally absorbed in a little bubble of calm. I think I can catch him singing happily under his breath. I grin. But apparently my creepy stare is too much, and he looks up, dismayed. Baffled at my attention, he waves slightly, then edges over to the sander and tries to ignore me. I chuckle under my breath.

"Dude, what's the deal?"

"Huh?" I murmur from under my hood. Kyle's giving me an odd look.

"Don't play dumb. That hasn't worked on me since that time with the dildo. You were totally giving Butters the hairy eyeball!"

Hairy eyeball? Jeez, Kyle no-one says _that_ any more. But I just shrug and grin at him and he rolls his eyes. He's used to me staring at chicks and he's never made a comment before. Guess he must be projecting or something. He's seriously closeted, especially when it comes to Stan.

So anyway. I spend the rest of the class stealing glances at Butters. The kid's always kinda fascinated me. He takes more shit than me, I swear, and yet he still comes into school every day with that goofy smile on his face, ready to be nice to everyone that gives him hell. But today is different. Maybe it's cos I'm bored. Maybe it's cos I'm horny as hell. But as I watch him potter about the classroom I feel that sensation start to burn in my stomach.

Definitely a new thrill.

Class ends all too soon. I was all ready to chase Butters out of the classroom, corner him by his locker or something. I dunno. I don't really do planning. Luckily, most of the girls in the school have the forethought enough to carry condoms otherwise, let me tell you, I'd be in the maternity wing every other week. In any case, I jump up to follow Butters when old Adler holds me back. Thanks to my (sensible!) wariness of belt sanders, saws, drills and the like, I almost never get anything completed for this class. So it's the same old rant, "you've gotta stop screwin' around, start doin' work, you'll flunk this class" yadda yadda, and all the time I'm thinking Butters is gonna be long gone and too far away for me to... what, exactly? I mean, am I seriously considering pursuing this guy? Butters is like the most repressed kid I know. I'll probably just damage him even more with my advances, let alone get his father angry. That guy's so screwed up, Butters gets grounded for so much as breathing wrong. God knows what his dad'll do if he finds out he's queer...

And what if he's not? Rejection's not exactly something I'm used to. I may be the poorest kid in school but the edgy, bad boy vibe gets the girl every time. But what if I get shot down? What if Butters tells everyone I'm a fag? Not that I care that much – my reputation couldn't get any sluttier – but I really don't need Cartman's shit right now. Not with finals coming up.

I'm so lost in these thoughts, and trust me, this doesn't happen often, that I don't realise Adler's stopped talking until he throws a chalk eraser at me in frustration.

"Young man, did you hear anything I just said?"

I nod ferociously, hoping that will be enough. Thankfully, he has a date or something, so he lets me go with only a few more mutterings about "screwing around". Little does he know, but that's exactly what I intend to do.

By the time I get out into the hall everyone's quit school for the day, leaving the corridors deserted. Needless to say, there's no sign of my current favourite blond. I sigh, annoyed. Probably a good thing I missed my chance though. I really need to keep my hormones in check. After all, screwing (with) poor naive Butters? Not exactly what Brian Boitano would do.

Before I flock to the bus stop to join my friends though, I stomp off to the toilet. For some reason, I don't think I can handle Stan and Wendy's cooing (and Kyle's jealous stares) just yet.

The door to the bathroom swings open quietly and I saunter into a stall. I'm more of a urinal type of guy, but deep contemplation needs to be sat on a toilet seat. I stay there for a bit, glaring moodily at the doodles on the walls. Bebe's a slut apparently. There's a tally of how many guys have had her. I'm pretty sure at least 7 of those strikes are mine, though. I get a bit eager with a Sharpie. Remembering past flings with a grin, I barely notice the stall door next to me opening as someone sidles out. Eventually I break out of my lusty reverie, flushing and opening the door.

And I freeze.

There's a chick here.

She's standing at the sink, gazing into the mirror as she does her makeup. She's got this cute little white number on; it barely grazes the bottom of her tight ass. Best legs I've ever seen and hair that sticks out from her head in an adorable pixie cut. There's a sordid grin plastered on my face as I glance into the mirror to check out her features and then... Holy crap.

My heart starts pounding and I can feel my blood heat up.

That chick is... That chick is Butters.

My mouth drops open of its own accord, but thankfully he's so absorbed in applying lip gloss that he doesn't notice me hiding in the shadows. He's singing that cute song from earlier – "lululu, I'm puttin' on gloss, lululu, you can too..."

I can't... my mind can't get a hold of this image. Hot chick and Butters rolled into one? It's my fucking dream come true, man! I never realised this before but gender bending? Totally up my street, apparently.

And he still hasn't noticed me.

I can use this.

Treading as softly as possible, I edge closer to Butters. As the smaller boy is on tiptoes to lean in closer to the mirror, my height doesn't give me away as I get near enough to touch him. His back's almost pressed against mine and this fresh, intoxicating perfume fills my head. My God, I want him so badly, it's all I can do to stop my fast breathing from giving me away.

"...that eyeshadow really works on you", I whisper into his neck. I'm so close I can almost feel his body tense as he realises I'm there. In the mirror, his eyes widen, terrified, and he falls back on his heels, crashing into my chest. It's a feeling I don't much mind. Squeaking, he twists himself around so he's backed up against the sink. Again, not a position I don't enjoy seeing.

"K-Kenny! Wha...how...oh hamburgers!"

His fists bump together frantically while I admire how his face delicately flushes, heightened by the perfectly applied makeup. Jeez, he does it better than most girls I know.

"What are y'doin' here?"

I raise an eyebrow and smirk. "It's a free bathroom, Butters. Or should I say... Buttina?" I chuckle at my pun, which goes over his head completely.

"Marjorine," he corrects, then throws a hand over his mouth. "I mean...let me go!"

"Huh? Oh." I realise I'm still kinda pinning him against the sink so I take a step back.

There's a pause. I think he doesn't quite know what to do. But just when I open my mouth reassure him, he dashes out of the bathroom, stopping only to say "jus-just stay away from me!" before he's out the door.

Shit.

I wince.

Probably didn't handle that so well, looking at it in hindsight. I just couldn't help myself! Seeing him there, all delicate and innocent and...well...hot, I just HAD to mess with him a little.

And now he's gone.

And probably thinks I'm a complete perv.

I blew it.

Sighing, I stomp out. But just before I leave I notice a huddle of clothes in the stall next to mine. I scoop them up.

Perfect. Now I have an excuse to talk to him again.

As I saunter home I grin. If there's anything I love, it's the chase.


	2. Interrogation

**~ "Suddenly I see", KT Tunstall ~**

_Butters_

I am not a fag.

I don't care what he thinks. I'm not.

Well, okay, sometimes I like to make myself look pretty but, who doesn't like that?

And maybe sometimes I like to slip into a dress.

And maybe pretend I'm not...

Aw, who am I kidding? I'm just a fag, aren't I? Eric was right. All those times he laughed and pointed and called me names he was just the only one who realised what I am.

Oh hamburgers.

And now Kenny knows! Kenny! Not sweet Kyle, who'd be polite and keep quiet. Or even Stan who might get freaked out and avoid me forever but wouldn't tell. No. It had to be Kenny, the one kid who finds everything deviant hilarious, the one kid I'd have given anything not to know who I really am.

It's not like I don't like Kenny. I do. I really do. He's so cool and edgy and sexy and... how could anyone not like him? It's just... how could he possibly understand this? He's more used to _doing_ skirts, not wearing them. And what if he tells my dad? Oh Jesus! I'll be grounded for eternity, if I'm lucky.

It's only when I get home I realise I'm still in my...other clothes. But I don't panic. I always keep a spare set of clothes in the shed, just in case. I just pray my dad doesn't notice the makeup. Spotting my parents in the front room, I slip in the backdoor. Victory! I creep through the kitchen, feeling confident, then...

"Butters! You get in here at once young man."

Hamburgers!

I hang my head as I walk uncertainly into the living room.

"Stand up straight."

"Y-yes sir." Trembling slightly I look him in the eye. He doesn't look any more angry than usual. Maybe he hasn't noticed...

"You're back early. What's the hurry, son?" His words should be kind but his voice is harsh, accusatory. "Don't you have that homework club this evening?"

Crap! Dancing! I've been covering my tracks so well – now he'll _know_ something's up. "Uh... it was cancelled, sir. Teacher g-gave us a day off to study for finals."

I bite my lip on the inside, praying he'll buy it. Suddenly he looks back down to his paper, uninterested. "Well go off and study then, 'stead of skulking around in the kitchen."

Relief washing over me, I turn to go.

"Butters, dear."

Wincing, I turn back. "Yes, ma'am?"

"Would you like me to make you some tea, hun, or will you be studying all night?"

"Oh I-I'm fine thanks ma. I'll jus' go on up to my room. No need to cook or nothing."

She smiles absently and returns to her sowing. "Well alright dear. Have fun."

Jeez, ma, who has fun doing homework? As I stomp up the stairs I wonder if she's ever paid attention to anything in her life enough to realise what the world's like. I can just imagine her floating through high school, oblivious to the pain around her, just waiting for my dad to scoop her up into a passive marriage.

Ugh.

Some days I hate my parents.

In my room, I hurriedly text an excuse to Bebe: "cnt make it 2nite, gotta study, see you nxt week xx". Thank God that girl's not too bright or else she'd realise her dancing friend is also the kid she scoffs at in school every day. But it's ok. She's way too popular to do anything but disdainfully ignore me at school.

But now...

What if Kenny tells her? They're pretty close, maybe he'll... He might be telling her right now!

Oh Jesus. I'd skip school tomorrow, but the terror of what my dad would do to me if he realised I was fakin' outweighs the bullying I'll face in the classroom. After all, I've been through worse at school. Probably.

Sighing, I try to perk myself up. But my books and essays squirm before my eyes, so eventually I just take my sleeping tablets and go to bed. At least sleeping's something I'm good at.

Morning comes all too soon. I get ready in a daze, carefully moisturising and cleansing away any trace of makeup. My normal clothes feel like a prison now. I slouch to school as slowly as possible, and brace myself as I walk in, waiting for the jeers, the humiliation.

Nothing.

Wincing, I look around, expecting leering faces but... everyone's normal. Just chatting and milling about like it's any other day.

Testing, I fearfully walk up to Eric. "W-well hey Eric, how's it goin'?"

He glares at me. "Get away from me, fag! Don't want your fag-germs all over me." Giving me a shove he walks away. I've tensed for a bigger assault, but this is just how he greats me every day. Huh. Wandering over to my locker I wave to Stan, who smiles absently back before he carries on chatting to Wendy. I'm stunned. Everything's normal. No-one has a clue.

Relief gives me a spring in my step and the first few classes are a breeze. I even start singing to myself as I visit my locker before lunch. Everything's comin' up Butters!

"Hey there, sweet thing."

Hamburgers!

The husky voice comes from my side this time, but he's just as close as before. Oh God, I can feel the warmth of his body he's that close. The smell of him, the sensation of being near him... It's messing with my mind. Terror and need are washing through me. Goddamit, why does he have this effect on me!

"Back off," I hiss to him, using my locker door as a shield against curious eyes. "I-I told you to stay away from me."

Kenny sighs, grinning, his breath tickling my ear. I hope he doesn't notice the goosebumps rise on my neck.

"Chill, freak show. Just thought you'd want these back." He dangles my clothes in front of me with amused eyes. Desperately controlling my trembling, I try to snatch them from him but he jerks them away. "Oh no. Don't think you're getting off that easy."

My eyes widen in fear. "Whu-what are you gonna do to me?"

Kenny grins, obviously revelling in the power he holds over me. "All in good time, princess. Meet me out back in 5 minutes. They won't miss you at lunch."

"But..."

But, winking, Kenny dashes off before I have time to protest.

Oh Jesus. Just when I thought everything was gonna be ok.


	3. Revelation

**~ "Drumming Song", Florence and the Machine ~**

_Kenny_

The chill of rough wall behind me is seeping through my shirt but I don't care. Seeing him again today... well, I'm sure it wasn't just my hormones driving me crazy yesterday. It was him. Ok, so it's not like I'm a fag. Sure, there are guys I'd do, I've entertained the thought once or twice. Craig and I even made out this one time (we were bored). But I've never had, y'know, _feelings_ for a guy before. Mind you, it's not like I've ever had deep feelings for a girl either. Sure, Bebe and I had our fun, and there was that time I was convinced I was in love with Wendy (I wasn't – and I didn't need Stan's fist to convince me, though he thought I did). But no-one has ever made me feel quite like Butters does.

It's weird I didn't notice it for what it was before, I guess. There's always been this attraction to him, the way he smiles at stupid things (like I do), the way he's nice to everyone (not like I do), the way his delicate features flush whenever he gets excited...

Damn.

I've had the hots for him for a while, now I think about it.

Guess I just wasn't bored enough to realise it before.

So I'm bi. Huh. Cool.

Where the hell is he?

It's been five minutes. Hell, it's been almost ten. Still no Butters.

I'm starting to get pissed off.

Just when I'm about to light a cigarette, make my time out here worthwhile, I hear nervous steps tapping around the corner.

I grin.

His face is flushed, he's trembling slightly, and God, I've never wanted anyone more in my life.

"Holy shit," I mumble quietly into my hood.

"Huh?" Butters asks, a curious expression on his face.

I pull down my hood so he can understand me. "Oh nothing."

Butters shifts, nervous, but too afraid to say anything. I relax, enjoying the thrall I'm holding him in, taking a moment to drink in his delicious scent.

"So. Ready to bargain?"

"Whu-what?"

"Ready to bargain. For your clothes..."

Butters bites his lip, sending a thrill through me. Damn he's cute. "Uh... what d'you want for them? I don't have much but..."

My finger silences his babbling lips. I hold up the clothes in one hand, but jerk them away when he makes a grab for them.

"Not yet. Kiss me."

Butters jumps slightly, his body tensing, fear filling his eyes. "What?"

"You heard me." I stare at him, my gaze intense. "Kiss. Me."

His fists bump together furiously, but other than that he makes no move. I shrug.

"Guess you don't mind if I just pop of to chat to Cartma-"

But I don't say any more. Because he's kissing me. And wow. His soft lips are trembling slightly so I wrap them in my own, kissing slowly, kindly. I want to do more. I want to grab him, thrust him into the wall, explore all of him with my tongue. But I don't – the last thing I want to do is scare him, this precious piece of innocence.

Jeez. Kissing makes me go all romantic and mushy.

The kiss doesn't last long. Panting slightly, Butters pulls away, resting back on his heels and dropping his hands from my hair.

"S-sorry Kenny, I didn't mean to... I was..." He seems dazed. I don't blame him. I can't get a word out myself. I think there are sparkles in front of my eyes. But soon he's tense, all frowny and fist bumpy. "K-Kenny, I need my clothes, you promised-"

"Are you wearing lipgloss?" I lick my lips. There's definitely a hint of cherry.

Butters blushes prettily. "Uh, well, sometimes my lips get chapped and I..."

"Tastes delicious."

Grinning, I pull him into another kiss, more passionate this time. I devour his lips, drinking in the flavour, forcing his waiting mouth open and tasting his tongue. It isn't long before he reacts. Suddenly it's like a fire's lit inside him and he's kissing me back much, much fiercer than I would have thought he could.

This time I couldn't tell you how long we kissed. But by the end I swear, I'm dizzy. I don't think I've breathed in a while. Wordlessly I hold out his clothes and he clutches the bundle to his chest gratefully. We don't say anything. I'm craving a smoke all of a sudden but somehow I don't think he'd like that so I just stand there.

Moments pass. Then, without saying anything, Butters wriggles his hand into mine.

Now that's something I haven't done since I was 9. Hold hands.

I smile.

"So, little princess..."

He glances up at me, not tense any more, that goofy smile on his face. "Yeah Kenny?"

"We should do this again sometime."

"...Kay."


	4. Uncertainty

**~ "Love Hurts", Incubus ~**

_Butters_

I have no idea what I'm doing. This just isn't like me: sneaking around, stealing kisses while no-one's looking... I'm not good at keeping secrets. Sooner or later I have to blab or I feel like I'm gonna explode. But I can't stop. Every time I see Kenny he ignites this fierce desire inside me, and I can't stand not touching him, kissing him... Oh Jesus! This is bad. This is so, so bad. Years of being ignored and bullied and this is my reward? Finding solace and comfort with the sluttiest guy in school?

Oh, but I want him. I want to do so much more than we've done already. But I can't. Just thinking about doing... stuff with another guy is... I just see my father's face in head, contorted in fury, screaming and yelling until I just want to crawl into a corner and cry all the gayness out of me.

I have no idea what to do.

I'm biting my lip, thinking about this in class (History? Math? I don't even know any more) when Kenny catches my eye. He's got that sordid look on his face, the wicked grin and flash in his eyes that tells me he's thinking of doing terribly wonderful things to me. My heart thumps painfully, lust mixing with fear. He's being so obvious! What if someone notices?

Sure enough, Bebe's looking over to him too. She sits directly in front of me, always getting me into trouble when she's chatting in class because she always says it's me when she's caught. And with Kenny in the row next to us, a few tables in front of us both, Bebe obviously thinks he's looking at her.

She blows him a kiss.

Noticing this, he jerks his attention to her. Chuckling, he winks, then goes back to his reading. Or whatever he's hiding in his textbook.

He winked!

Hamburgers!

Was he looking at her the whole time? Is he done with me? All of those stolen moments behind the bike sheds, those kisses, the secret midnight dates... Was that just because he was bored? And now his curiosity has been satisfied and he's back to... her.

I bite my lip as tears fill my eyes. Jesus, I'm such a pussy. I should have known Kenny would do this to me. This is how he treats people. I've comforted more than a few girls at dance class who thought they had something special with him. Why did I think I was any different? Just cos I'm a guy? Please. I was just a curiosity, a thrill. And now it's over.

Tears are flowing freely down my cheeks now. I hope to God no-one notices.

After class I rush out, not daring to even look at Kenny. But my fear is for nothing: Bebe's cornered him and is flirting like a pro. Jesus, she's so perfect. All blonde hair and big boobs, so sure of herself, so attractive... Sometimes I wish I could have her life. And it's not like she's all bad: sure, at school she either ignores or teases me, but at dancing, when I'm someone else, she's lovely. Makes sure all the girls are doing well, is always there for a laugh... It's like she's two different people. And I can relate to that.

So maybe Kenny's better off with her.

I'm just a broken excuse for a boy.

Miserably I slouch off to the bathroom and hide in a stall. I'm tempted to reach up to that loose ceiling tile, slip on my dress, become Marjorine... But there's no way. That's what landed me in this mess.

Before I know it I'm sobbing. And I don't even care.

Crap. The door's crashing open. I didn't even notice. Hurriedly I wipe the tears from my eyes and clam up, wishing the ground would swallow me up.

But that never works.

"Butters? You in here?"

His voice is muffled but I instinctively know who it is. I can feel my pulse start to race and my breathing speed up. Goddammit. Why does he have such power over me? When I'm nothing but a thrill to him. It's just not fair.

A sob escapes my throat and Kenny's steps stop outside my stall. No. Nonononononono...

Then the door's kicked open and he's there and he's so gorgeous and smells so good and I want him and I'm crying again.

"G'way."

Kenny raises an eyebrow, smiling. "Not a chance, princess."

I glare at him. "Stop it! Stop calling me that! Don't pretend like I m-mean anything to you."

The smile drops from his face. "What the f- "

"Oh p-please. I saw you with _her_. J-just leave me alone. I get it. You were curious and n-now you're bored. J-just go away."

Kenny is silent. That's all the confirmation I need. I try to scamper out of the door but he's there, filling the space, preventing me from running. I'm shaking. I'm so embarrassed. Why do I always have to be such a pussy?

"Butters." His voice is low, mocking, fond. "You're such a fucking spaz."

His fingers curl around my chin, coaxing my face up towards his. He leans his forehead down to mine, resting it there. My heart speeds up, filling me full of need, but my breathing slows. I can feel myself relaxed, be comforted. Such a simple gesture but it's all I need.

"But I thought..."

"You thought what? That she could ever compare to you? Sure, Bebe's a thrill but you... you're something else. You're special."

I swallow nervously.

"So we're not b-breaking up?" I hazard a hopeful smile.

"Goddammit you're so cute."

Then he's crushing his lips to mine, wrapping his arms around me so I'm as close as I can possibly be to him. My hand floats through his hair and I curl my fingers into the deliciously smooth locks. His lips are moving agonisingly slow, teasing me, tempting me, forcing me to want more until I can't stand it any longer. I open my mouth, lick his teeth, bite his lip. Then we're kissing ferociously, breathlessly, and I'm thanking God hardly anyone uses this bathroom.

Is it over?

I'm panting, sucking in oxygen, and I think we're apart though my arms are still wrapped around his neck.

"See?" he laughs softly. He's out of breath too. "How could I possibly give that up?"

I'm not ready to talk yet so I just shrug. There's a stupid happy expression on my face. I'm becoming seriously addicted to this guy.

"So..." his breath is hot in my ear as he leans against me. "See you tonight? 1am?"

I nod, my words catching in my throat.

"Fuckin' A. See you then."

His hands... his hands are drifting, caressing my thigh, stroking up and up and... he's gone. Sliding out of the door with a wink and leaving me stiff and unsatisfied and needing so much more.

Yep.

I'm in way too deep.

And at the moment, I couldn't give a rat's... you know what.


	5. Ecstasy

**~ "Stairway To Heaven", Led Zeppelin ~**

_Kenny_

I drift through the rest of the day, barely noticing anyone around me. Bebe's desperate for my attention (girl always wants what she can't have – when we were dating she was always off with Clyde), Stan and Kyle actually notice that I'm distracted and challenge me, Wendy grins in that knowing way (she knows too much for her own good)... But I don't really react to anyone. I'm just counting down the hours until my date with Butters.

Last few weeks have been a blur. The rest of the world doesn't matter until we meet up. I was cool with going out in the day, being a couple at school, whatever but Butters... He's terrified of that. I'm pretty sure everyone would be cool with us. I mean, they've learnt to expect anything from me and anyone has a problem with us, well, I could always take time off from Butters to give them a date with my fist.

So yeah. No problem for me.

But I guess I should be happy Butters is seeing me at all. Kid's so fucking repressed that's about all he can manage. All we've done is make out. I try anything else and he's off, mumbling about something, and scarpers without so much as a kiss goodbye. This kinda worries me, but for now I'm just gonna take it slow. I know he wants more, but he can't even admit that to himself. This kid is so damaged I swear, it would take years for a shrink to sort him out and I'm not exactly Freud.

Getting to know him better, I can't help but feel guilty for the way we've treated him. I mean, even when we were kids we'd torture him, use him as our buttmonkey – anything needed doing we didn't want to do, there was Butters, all naive and so eager to be part of the group he'd obey all our commands.

Jeez.

I coulda stuck up for him. I coulda beat up Cartman every time he tortured Butters, coulda told off Stan for ignoring him, coulda been his friend.

But no. Of course not. I was such a selfish prick.

It's 12:30am and I shake myself out of these thoughts. It's cool. I swear to myself I'll make up for all of it now. Before I leave I check in on my parents. Stoned and giggling, just the way I like them. At least they're not fighting. Kevin couldn't wait to get out of here. I think he's backpacking in Europe or something. There's a postcard every now and then, addressed to me. He refuses to even acknowledge our parents' existence. I don't blame him, but I'm holding out hope for them. They love each other, I can tell. And hopefully they'll realise that too someday, as long as they don't kill each other first.

Sighing, I tiptoe out of the door. It's summer, so there's only patches of slush on the ground, and the night is clear and calm and surprisingly warm. Perfect. I sling my backpack over my shoulder and stride off to Butters' place. His parents should be asleep by now.

I tap three times on the drainpipe that runs up past his window. Two taps back and I plonk down on the flowerbed, waiting for him to clamber out of the window. He's always painstakingly quiet, it makes me wonder what he's so afraid of happening if he wakes his father.

I wince.

What have I got this kid into?

But Butters has landed on the ground, nimble and grinning, and all other thoughts go out of my head. He's even wearing lipgloss and a cute hairslide. Holy shit he's hot.

"W-well hey there Kenny," he whispers happily. Then he notices where I'm sitting and panics. "Oh hamburgers! Ma's tulips!"

Guilty, I jump up. He's all twitchy now, paranoid about what will happen if his parents notice. I wince but I don't show him I'm worried too.

"Chill, princess." He's still frowning but I can see I'm soothing him. "They'll just think it was a fox or something, but they're too fucked up to notice anyway. Come on."

I grasp his hand and we hurry away, Butters skipping alongside me. The moonlight's bathing everything in this eerie glow and as I glance at him he looks paler than usual. For some reason that makes him even more attractive to me.

I'm so busy staring at him I don't even notice when we've reached Stark's Pond. Giggling, Butters pulls me back from the edge.

"W-well careful there, Kenny. I don't know CPR."

I grin wickedly, wrong thoughts springing to mind but I don't voice them. "Don't worry, princess. I'm not gonna go dying on you just yet."

He just looks worried and doesn't say anything. I raise an eyebrow. Does he know? Can he remember? I haven't pushed up any daisies in a while now, but I'm pretty sure he was around last time it happened. I was high and decided skateboarding down a mountain was a brilliant idea. Needless to say it wasn't. Not the pleasantest ways I've died, gotta admit.

I don't say any of this. It's not like I can ask him. If he remembers then he'd freak out, and if he doesn't he'd think I'm crazy. Best just leave it. It sucks that there's always going to be part of me I can't share with him. Or anyone for that matter.

I've been quiet for a while. Butters looks worried.

"Uh, K-Kenny? You ok?"

Butters is biting his lip nervously. I can't resist that so I kiss him, grabbing his bumping fists in my hand.

"Sorry, sweet thing. I was thinking about all the naughty things I'm gonna do to you."

He widens his eyes deliciously, fear mixing with anticipation in his expression. I grin and swing the backpack off my shoulder with a flourish. Holding his gaze, I pull out a blanket (a bit tattered but clean) and lay it gently on the ground. I gesture for him to sit and he perches, knees hugged to chest, still gazing at me. Jeez, he's so adorable. I haven't got much in the way of a picnic. Couple of beers, some twinkies and pop tarts. But he's smiling that goofy smile and seems as happy as anything.

For a while we just sit there, taking in the scene, enjoying each other's company. After a while Butters inches closer to me, cuddling up, and I lean back so he's almost lying on me. He's happy and comfortable and relaxed so I decide this would be the perfect time to ask him.

"You goin' to Stan's finals party?" He tenses but doesn't reply. I continue despite his discomfort. "It's a costume party. Thought that would be fun." Still no answer. The mood has got decidedly icy. He knows what I'm gonna say next. "You know, you'd look totally slammin' as Mar- "

He stands angrily and storms off to the edge of the lake without saying a word. Shit. I knew this would happen. I haven't seen Marjorine since that first time. Every time I've hinted it would be hot for him to dress up he clams up or, worst of all, storms off and refuses to talk to me for a day. I have no idea why this is. He becomes Marjorine every Thursday to go dancing, after all.

I guess it has something to do with me knowing both sides of him. Especially as we'd be making out. Bringing both sides of himself together like that... As far as I can tell, being a girl, even for a little while, is his escape. His chance to become someone new, get away from his shitty life. And I can relate to that. I haven't done it in a while, and it lost part of its charm once everyone knew it was me, but becoming Mysterion was such a thrill. I could pretend I was someone else.

And Butters so desperately wants to be someone else.

"Look, dude, I'm sorry I said anything." I stand, join him at the lake's edge. He ignores me. "I just thought it'd be fun, y'know. I could be a pimp and you could be my bitch. Or I could be a chick too..."

He shakes his head furiously. "No."

I sigh. "Fine. Forget it. I'll just- "

"I'll do it."

"What?"

Butters turns to me, biting his lip. "I-It'll be fun."

I have no idea what changed his mind but I grin. "Fuckin' A. Pick you up at your house at 9?"

He nods. There's silence for a while. He's obviously got a lot going on in that cute head of his. Eventually I tug him back to the blanket. We sit and I wait a bit, then I turn to him, brushing strands of hair from his eyes.

"You know you're really special to me, right?" He shrugs, still looking a little miserable. "Well you are. I've screwed a lot of chicks, Butters." He shifts, looks uncomfortable. "Probably every girl in our grade. Yep, all those girls, and not one of them has made me as happy as you make me. Made me feel the way I do when I see you. So yeah. Special. You."

Shit. I'm really crap at mushy talk. But it seems to have cheered him up.

"S-same to you, Kenny." His face lights up, eyes sparkling.

"Good. Just as long as we've got that all out in the open." Don't mind saying, I'm feeling pretty awkward right about now. Admitting feelings – not exactly my thing. But he notices this and giggles, poking me in the side.

"You liiiiike me," he sings.

"Shut up."

"You liiiike me, you want to kiiiiiss me..."

"Fuck off."

"You want to huuuuug me."

"I'm warning you."

"Oooh, whatcha gonna do? Hug me to death? You big slut."

"Got that right," I tackle him, straddling him and pining him with my arms. "Now shut your mouth."

He giggles, moving against my legs. "Make me."

I grin. "You asked for it..." I swoop down, kissing him passionately. Soon his arms are wrapped around my neck and he's pulling himself at as fiercely as I'm pressing against him, his tongue nimble and sweet and demanding. I force my lips away from his, kissing down his face to bite his neck. His little sighs turn into a moan and his fingers fist in my hair. I can feel desire curling in my stomach and while I lick and bite his neck I let my hand drift down, down... Past his shirt and under his trousers...

Butters starts to tremble. Part of him is terrified, I can tell, but he wants it so bad he can't do anything.

"Sssshh," I say, wanting to comfort him. I bring my lips to his again, kissing him softly, letting him relax, accept what he wants. My hand carries on, and with my other hand I ease his trousers and underpants down. Then I softly stroke him, finding him hard already. Butters whimpers into my mouth and I kiss him fiercer, my strokes turning into steady pulses, feeling his body rise against mine, needing me. He's getting me aroused too but I don't let myself get distracted. He breathes heavier now, ripping himself from the kiss to arch his head backwards as I pull faster and faster, scraping him slightly with my finger nails to see how he'll react. Another moan escapes his throat and I grin. It doesn't take long for him to climax, and as he does he cries out deliciously, his face wrapped in ecstasy. Seeing him like this almost makes me come too, but I catch myself, not wanting to freak him out. This is totally new - he's never let me do this before. Don't want to go too far as I have no idea what might freak him.

After a bit Butters closes his eyes, sighs happily, relaxes. I swing myself off him, drying my hands on the blanket (what? I'm gonna wash it when I get home!), then rummage in my backpack. Noticing my movement he sits up.

"Oh hamburgers!"

I turn back to him. "Huh?" He gestures to his trousers. "Oh." I chuckle as he pokes it.

"Ugh, it's all sticky... Jesus! What's my father gonna..."

"Bitch, please. You think I didn't come prepared?" I swing the spare pair of pants at him, grinning, and he sighs in relief.

"Thanks Kenny."

"No prob, babe."

Awkwardly, he pulls the clean pair on and I stash the others in my bag (again, gonna wash everything!). There's a silence. I'm pretty sure he's realising what he just let me do and inwardly freaking out.

"Princess." Butters looks at me, like a rabbit caught in headlights. "Chill. This right here? Totally cool. It was good, wasn't it?" He nods ferociously. "Well then. Can't be wrong. Right?" His brow furrows adorably. "I mean, this is all perfectly natural. Trust me."

"I do."

"So chill, baby."

"Kay."

We don't stay long after that. When the birds start singing we know it's time to sneak back, and we wander home as the sky slowly lightens. I kiss him quickly outside his door, watch from a distance as he eases it open, wait until I'm sure he's safely in bed. Then I slope off home, back to stoned parents, curling wallpaper, crappy life. But it's all cool. Because I know tomorrow morning when I trudge to school he'll be there. And that makes everything alright.


	6. Devastation

**~ "Peace and Hate", The Submarines ~**

_Butters_

Oh God, why did I let him talk me into this? I stare at myself in the mirror, adoring what I see, but the fear is curling in my stomach and just now I would rather die than go out dressed this way. Thankfully my parents are out. Thankfully they don't know about the party. If they found out...

Whimpering in terror, I sit down on the bed. I'm still not completely sure why I'm doing this. What if people think I'm a fag?

I feel sick.

But I close my eyes and remember how happy Kenny looked when I told him I'd do it. I'd do anything to make him happy and... I'm still sure that it's only a matter of time until he gets bored of being with a guy and goes back to the girls. With Marjorine, maybe I can put that off for a little longer. It's stupid, pointless, torture to draw this relationship out, because I'm falling for him more and more each day, but the thought of having to endure my life without the relief he gives me... I have to try to keep us together. After all, without Marjorine he would have never noticed me in the first place.

Plus it might be fun. We went with angel/devil for our costumes. Kenny was set on going as a slutty female devil but I managed to talk him out of that. I don't know why, but I can't stand the thought of him dressing up too. Maybe someday when I'm more comfortable with being Marjorine around him, but right now I need him to just be himself.

He compromised. Thank God.

I finger the delicate feathers on the edge of my wings, close my eyes. I just let the softness comfort me.

Too soon, there's that typical hammering on the front door and I jump up.

Kenny.

And there's that mixture of anticipation and joy and desire and danger that pulses through me every time he's near. I can't believe that crazy, adrenaline obsessed, crude kid I knew has come to mean so much to me.

Sometimes I can't stand how much I've come to depend on him.

One day I'll show him how strong I really am.

But for now I'm checking the mirror, adding more gloss, opening the door, feeling my heart thump.

"Must'a hurt when you fell from heaven," he grins at me.

I raise an eyebrow. "Well heck, how long did that take you to think up?"

"Nearly the whole walk here I'll have you know," he retorts. "Most thinking I've done in years."

I just smile and take in his outfit. Biker boots, ripped skinny jeans (deliciously tight), tears revealing fishnets underneath ("Kenny!" "I couldn't resist!"), fingerless gloves, a gothic waistcoat over his bare chest (my heart thumps more), chunky pentacle necklace, all topped off with heavy black eyeliner and jet black devil horns.

Wow.

"You like?" He winks at me wickedly.

"...it's..."

He smiles, smug. "I thought so. Come on." Kenny grabs my arm, then stops and darts back inside the house. "Dude, you forgot your wig!"

Yeah, deliberately. But he places it on my head and I feel the golden locks caress my shoulders. The halo is the final touch. Then I've locked up and we're off, walking to Stan's place. I feel the butterflies start their own party in my stomach, but I glance at Kenny and he squeezes my hand, calming me. He assured me the one person who could unravel the whole charade, Bebe, wouldn't be here tonight. Token's having a party too, and Kenny dropped hints he'd be there. Girl can't resist a chase, apparently, so she's sure to be at Token's house, dressed in her sluttiest costume, laying her traps.

So everything's gonna be fine.

Still, I can feel my fists bumping together as Kenny hammers on Stan's door. Worried, I pull down my floaty dress further down my legs. I'm wearing hot pants underneath but I'm still self conscious.

"Don't worry babe, you look fuckin' hot," Kenny hisses my ear. He pinches my ass for good measure too. This gives me just the thrill of adrenaline I need as the door swings open.

Wendy stands in the doorway, waving us in. She's dressed in a gorgeous colourful Mexican outfit, her hair scraped back from her face and a monobrow pencilled on. Kenny laughs.

"What the hell are you supposed to be?"

Wendy scowls, an expression even more formidable with the one eyebrow. "I'm Frida Kahlo, asswipe! And how about you? Gimp?"

"Devil," he corrects her. "And here's my better half." He nudges me forward slightly.

"W-well hey there Wendy. Swell party!" My voice is bright but I'm terrified of her reaction.

"Oh my God, Butters?" Her eyes widen and I feel sick again, but she breaks out into a joyous smile. "You look adorable! You should totally grow your hair."

When she moves away to get us drinks I feel myself breathe out heavily. I didn't even know I was holding my breath.  
>"See?" Kenny's face is jubilant. "I told ya you'd be a hit."<p>

"I-I guess..." But not everyone's as accepting of cross dressing as Wendy. I heard she started South Park's only LGBT club just so she could show everyone how liberal she is. She's such a hipster.

"Here you go," Wendy sings in my ear. "Now go mingle, you two! I'm gonna go find where Stan's wandered off to..." Her cheery tone drops slightly in that last bit and Kenny gives me a look as she hurries away. It's pretty obvious how much time Stan and Kyle have been spending together lately. If I were dating Stan I'd be worried too.

"C'mon." Now Kenny's dragging me round the party. The lights are dimmed and Stan's front room is packed. The hifi is blaring out Gaga and I find myself getting even more nervous as we weave through the crowd. How the heck am I supposed last through this whole party?

Kenny's oblivious to my discomfort of course. He's found Craig and is gleefully pulling me over.

"Hey bitch. Figured you'd be at Token's thing?"

Craig scowls. He's not wearing a costume, unless he came as the town badass. He frightens me sometimes, I have to admit.

"Nah. Place is gonna be a whorehouse, dude. The girls can't get enough of Token now he's got his inheritance. Plus Tweek wanted to be somewhere more chilled."

I glance over to Tweek, shivering slightly on the couch. I raise an eyebrow. Those two have been hanging out a lot too. Fighting in public, loitering behind the bike sheds... Maybe Kenny and I aren't as unique as we thought. But Craig has spotted me staring.

"Hey, Ken. Who's your friend?"

Kenny chuckles and pulls me closer. "Oh I'm sure you know her..."

I wince. He's loving this so much. And I can't quite figure out why. Is it because he likes to see me be open about Marjorine? Or is it just Marjorine that's making him have so much fun?

"H-how's it goin', Craig?"

Craig starts at the sound of my voice, but covers it up. "Oh hey, Butters," he says coolly. "Look, I'd make an excuse to leave but honestly I couldn't give a shit about talking to you guys so..."

And he's gone, back to his twitching boyfriend. Seeing them together actually makes me smile. "Oh isn't that nice, Kenny? I'm so glad they've got each other."

Kenny raises an eyebrow at me, then laughs. "You're so cute, Butters."

I sip my drink coyly and he leans in to bite my ear. It feels so good, but I glance around quickly, hoping no-one saw. Kenny registers my discomfort and pulls back, sighing. I wait for him to challenge me, but thankfully he doesn't. Last thing I need right now is to have Kenny making out with me in front of everyone. Marjorine is enough for now, thank you.

After that, I actually start to enjoy myself. The rum punch is helping me relax, and soon enough Kenny's chatting with Stan and Kyle and I'm left to sit there smiling and nodding. Just how I like it. Time slips by and soon enough we're out of drinks again. Kenny's deep in some conversation about X-Box with the guys, so I get this round. Rihanna's on the stereo now, and I start singing along as I pour the drinks.

"Hey bitch."

Oh hamgurgers! Rum spills onto my hand as I recognise the voice behind me. Bebe's hand lands on my shoulder and she spins me around.

"So it's you! You're Kenny's new whore. Well let me tell you something, slut, that boy is mine. We went steady for almost a year, you know that? Ain't nothing you have I can't give him."

I seriously doubt that, but I don't say a word, letting her get her rage out. Also, I'm terrified. I'm fairly certain she's gonna kill me. But her expression turns to hurt.

"I thought we were friends, Marjorine!"

"Who the fuck is Marjorine?" Oh Jesus! Mary mother of God! Eric! He's lumbering up to us, cackling evilly. "Christ Butters, you look even worse as a girl! I knew you were a fucking fag."

Bebe's mouth drops open. She looks from Eric to me. "...what?"

"Yeah, holy shit Butters, you can't even dress right. Did you steal that dress from an eight year old girl?"

"...Butters?"

No! No no no no no no no no...

It's all coming out! She's telling Eric everything, about our dancing, about Marjorine. The room spins and all I can hear is laughing, nasty and abusive, crashing in on me from all sides...

Bebe rips the wig from my head.

And I run.


End file.
